oh you whiners, i was getting to that!

to angie, allie, christie and jill (who i'm sure will find out sooner or later), i apologize profusely, for not sending out an informative email to put the world on alert about my blog. honestly, i was excited to do so, but i wanted to wait until i had this thing all figured out... which is still something i'm working on. i'm a myspacer, you must remember and i'm finding this transition a bit confusing. slowly but surely... new blog coming soon!

Excuse me, have you heard of the Biggest Loser

Obviously, I've already proven to be bad at blogging. And just to give you an idea of how much I travel, I've been to 2 separate states and back since my intro blog. I suppose, like anything else, practice makes perfect, so I shall work on my discipline with my updates.

Two weeks ago, I went to North Carolina for another early childhood education conference. I was to fly from Bakersfield to LAX to DC to Greensboro, NC. As I settled into the giant airbus in LAX, bound for DC, I watched in anticipation at the approaching line of passengers. I do this often - size up my fellow travelers and take a wild guess at who will restrict my sprawling for the flight. It seemed that nearly all of the passengers had entered the aircraft; the hustle and bustle of jamming "carry-ons" (don't even get me started on the bulbous and oversized crates that are passed off as carry-on luggage these days) into the overhead compartment. As I scanned the aisles from my window seat I thought, "No way, did I really luck out and score a free neighboring seat." Then I saw him, the man that I knew - even from 7 feet down the aisle - was to be the aisle seat to my window.

I had just watched the season premiere of the Biggest Loser the night before. I find that show incredibly inspiring. Rarely can I watch an episode without blinking back a few tears. While I would consider myself to be in relatively good shape, I am no skin and bones kinda gal and I'll be the first to admit that my entire life has been peppered with dieting and exercising regiments in an attempt to shed a couple pounds. I think obesity is a devastating epidemic, but one that is all too often excused as a condition beyond the "victim's" control. And, with the ever pressing topic of America's obesity at the forefront of my brain, I could not look at the approaching airplane behemoth with compassion. 

After situating a leather briefcase into the overhead compartment, being careful to take out any items that might be needed throughout the flight, Tubby settled into the seat next to me. Well, maybe I should rephrase that... he never really settled. I can imagine that it's uncomfortable to carry around that much extra weight and he certainly confirmed that inclination with his incessant shifting and wiggling. As the other passengers bumped and pushed their way to their seats in preparation for departure, my large neighbor flagged down a flight attendant to ask for a seat belt extender, which in my opinion (with the exception of pregnant women, obviously) is a read flag that you are out of your league in one economy seat. After a couple of minutes, Tubby realized that the attendant wasn't rushing back to his beck and call. In a fashion that spoke volumes about his need for instant gratification, he requested an extender from another attendant. Here's the kicker, he looks at me with disgust and says "God, what dumbasses they have working on these flights." Our pretty pretty princess eventually got his extender and we were off to the east coast.

As i mentioned, Tubby (I like this name so I think we'll stick with it) had the hardest time trying to sit still. With his bulbous leg challenging the boundary of our 2 seats and his love handles bleeding out under the arm rest, I wondered how he couldn't be comfortable with all of MY space! Believe me, I delivered plenty of slightly obvious but somewhat discreet huffs and puffs to demonstrate my frustration with his constant fidgeting. I heard the click of a seat belt unbuckling and peeled my eyes from my little window in anticipation. "Maybe he's going to get up and go walk around! Give me some breathing room, damnit!" But just as I looked, I regretted it. Oh, he got up alright, but it wasn't to take a look around or stretch his fluffy limbs. Oh no, he stood up half way and turned his back toward me only to reach down with his stubby arm to scratch an itch. Not just any itch, but an ass itch... then he worked toward the challenging goal of releasing his underwear from the tight clench of his crack. All this delightful eye candy was, of course, accompanied by an olfactory sensation reminiscent of a sweaty locker room and dirty underwear. 

Now, I realize that if United, American, Continental, etc. made a statement declaring that people over a certain weight were no longer allowed to fly without purchasing 2 seats, an all out revolt would ensue. Honestly, even I would understand the arguments against discrimination and wrongful treatment. But, as I sat there in my hellish corner of the traveling world, I wondered, "where do his rights end, and mine begin?!" He was, after all, invading MY space that I (well, Insect Lore) paid for! While he most certainly possesses (and obviously exercises) his right to treat his body however he chooses, that treatment, in this case, has invaded the personal space of others. The growing girth of America is also cause for concern on the part of airlines. The person who used to weigh 160 lbs. now weighs 230 lbs. and requires a considerable increase in fuel to transport. Thus, just one more reason for the increase in airline ticket prices. I agree that airlines seats aren't exactly the most comfortable or spacious environments, but when you can't keep your body from spilling out into my space, it's time to put the Twinkie down and buy a second seat!

fancy meeting you here

i kinda thought that blogs were for the settled. ya know, those with babies, a house, a husband or at LEAST a fiancee. well, i have none of those things, unless you consider marley my baby (let's be honest, it's not too much of a stretch) or you think that because i live in a house, it's MY house (minor detail that this 23 year old "professional" lives in the same homes with her parents as she did when she was 9). BUT, as i was thinking in the shower, which is where i (like many others) do some of my best thinking - i was reliving yet another comical little airplane scenario that occurred as a result of my cross-country travels and i thought "this is funny stuff! maybe i SHOULD have a blog." i thought, "i'll tell these funny little stories (with minor embellishments if necessary. i mean, i don't want to BORE you) and maybe even give tips on travel. i could be your ambassador from TSA, except less disgruntled and better dressed :) besides, i DID discover that i was most like carrie bradshaw when i took that "what Sex and the City character are you" quiz on Facebook. that means something, right?  ta daaaa - my blog, V is for Voyage!

i sell bugs. yeah, you read that correctly. i sell butterflies, ladybugs, mealworms, ants, earthworms... you name it, if it crawls or wriggles, i sell it. but details can really be as pretty as your imagination and interpretive powers permit... for example, i could say "i am the event coordinator and the assistant marketing director for the largest commercial grower of butterflies in the country. i travel constantly, stay in great hotels (most of the time) and eat at top restaurants. my current focus, when i'm not jet-setting, is a corporate 40th anniversary celebration that i am coordinating in new york..." but really, we all know that i just sell bugs. now if i did all that but it was as an employee for Michael Kors, then that would be another story entirely. for now, i'll start with the butterflies. 

i thought that i might warn you, or inform you, or ask permission - wait, why am i asking YOUR permission, this is MY blog - anyway, what i'm trying to say is that while i usually find myself in the midst of an amusing scenario while traveling, i do believe that some of my most entertaining anecdotes lie behind me. therefore, i will occasionally regress to some of my classic tales. maybe during a dry spell, when there hasn't been much traversing in the world of insects i'll revisit the time i was confined to my window seat on an airplane, land locked on the runway for 7 hours; or the time i was stranded in girona, spain because my roommate read the train schedule incorrectly; or when i hitchhiked in costa rica; was verbally accosted by an airport shuttle driver in chicago; or when i sang on broadway in nashville with local guitar pickers; held at (water) gunpoint on a street in paris; or when i was trapped at the running of the bulls for 2 days with 10 of my students...

more often than not, when i'm traveling, i have those moments when i look around and think "is anyone getting this?!?!?!" so i figured, why not write about it and let people get a peek. one of my many "dream jobs" is to be a travel writer... dream job? check!